DID YOU KNOW WTFcomics is really funny! I hope you all click the link above and treat yourself to a great comic story.
Here's a song I wrote, sung to the tune of "If I only had a brain" from the Wizard of Oz.
Instead of always kiting,
I really should be fighting
within some dungeon walls.
I'm sure that I'd prevail
fighting giants there in kael
If I only had some balls.
If I just would take some action
I'd enjoy some faction
improvement in Surefalls.
Instead of only rile her
I could kill the Blood Defiler
If I only had some balls.
Oh I may even die
Instead of train friends in Mistmoore.
I'd battle bravely at the castle door,
get a REZ, and try once more!
I'd challenge a Revealer
or Sarnak Overseer
Within the Chardok halls
Instead of just eleven
I'd be level 47
If I only had some balls!
Guk Sux
by Ogguluk Meatshield
Oggie no like Guk, me tell yous why
Guk is place dat peeple die.
Me no like Guk, both high and low,
donna go to Guk, Oggie tell you so.
Me as little ogerling huntin in da bog
SLAP, BAM, WHAM - keeled by a frog!
Oggie gasp "Me big ogre, how can dis be?"
Froggie say "The gods love frogs, don't you see."
Me as grown ogre, days in swamp are through.
Huntin bears, lizardmen and aviaks too.
Me still somtimes beat, sometimes me die.
"At least not to a frog" me says to da sky.
Me bigger ogre, but no more smart.
Me go back to Guk, gonna take it apart.
Me fall off little bridge, me get all wet.
Oggie lost now, die soon you bet!
Me see an old Erudite with great big head.
"Tell me about Guk" and dis he said:
"I do not like Guk, and I will tell you why."
"Guk is a place, where people die."
"To Lower Guk I once went to find my fate."
"The entrance was covered by fallen heroes in plate."
"The shout of 'TRAIN' I heard through the fog,
SLAP, BAM, WHAM - I was killed by a frog!"
So you be smart, like dis big ogre,
Stay away from Guk, both upper and lower.
Donna go to da dungeon, near city of Grobb
or SLAP, BAM, WHAM - you be keeled by a frog!
Has anybody seen my corpse? (a funny mp3)
Top 10 Signs Your Boyfriend/Husband Plays Too Much EverQuest
10. Refers to your mother as the 'Avatar of Fear'.
09. Instead of going out he wants to 'Camp the Domino's spawn'.
08. When you overcook the dinner, he tells you "You need to work on your trade skills".
07. After sex he says "Medding oom" before rolling over and going to sleep.
06. Refers to sex as 'Buffing the purple-helmed warrior'.
05. Calls bringing you flowers 'Improving faction'.
04. When you ask him to take out the garbage he mumbles something about 'Stupid quests give no exp'.
03. Calls you up for a date and says he wants to group because soloing sucks.
02. Before he can become aroused, you have to wear a green swimsuit and Spock ears.
01. When he achieves orgasm he shouts "DING!"
Murphy's Laws of EverQuest
Everything is camped.
Your corpse will always end up halfway inside a mountain, nowhere in sight of the roads, or under a tree.
The skeleton in front of you is there to distract you from the Kodiak approaching behind you.
If your attack is going really well, you are in an ambush.
If the MOBs are within range, so are you.
The tougher MOBs invariably attack on two occasions:
when they're ready.
when you're not.
One MOB is never enough, but two can be entirely too many.
The MOB is not retreating; it's just going to get its friends.
The MOBs you never encounter when armed and buffed always appear during your corpse run.
The MOB you've been camping for hours always spawns 18 seconds after you leave.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the MOBs other people to attack.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
The greatest danger to your group is a Paladin with a map and a plan.
When the going gets tough, the tank goes linkdead.
A group without healers or bandages is not a group for long.
Your buffs will fade when you need them the most.
Whenever you have plenty of mana, you never miss. Whenever you are low on mana, every spell fizzles.
When in doubt, gate.
There is not a single bathroom in all of Norrath.
The Armor Class of a piece of armor is inversely proportional as to how good it looks on you.
The item that you want the most drops the rarest.
The item that you want the most is out of your price range.
The item that you want the most was sold at an auction while you were offline.
The item that you want the most was picked up by some moron who didn't know the definition of "No Drop".
The item you'll need tomorrow is No Rent.
The item you accidentally drop will be the most valuable/powerful/important item you carry.
If you can afford it, it's not for sale.
If you want two of them, it's a Lore item.
If you want to sell it, it's a No Drop item.
The High Quality Bear Skin drops every 28 days, the same schedule as PMS. Coincidence?
Even greens kill.
Backstab means never having to say you're sorry.
A bow without arrows seems awfully heavy all of a sudden.
Merchants are perfectly capable of kicking tail and taking names.
Trains have the right of way.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
The guards are never there when you need them.
Misuse of a combine button in a hurry = highly colorful language.
The time it takes to upload the newest patch is directly proportional to your eagerness to log on.
No two people have ever agreed on a single, precise definition of a twink.
Never forget that your newbie weapon was crafted by the lowest bidder.
A roleplayer drinks to increase his alcohol tolerance; an idiot does it in the Kelethin treetops.
Having a tenth of a bubble of health left is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Gnome wizards are proof positive that size does not matter.
The greatest mystery in Norrath is how NPCs figure out what religion you are just by looking at you.
Every shaman on Norrath at one point in his or her life has done the pig joke when someone asked for a SOW.
Only twelve people in all of Norrath are truly happy with their last names.
The last bubble takes forever to fill.
It is somehow discouraging to realize that Qeynos is "SonyEQ" spelled backwards.
Druid: /shout
WOOT!! YOU HAVE ENTERED VEESHAN'S PEAK!!!
Rogue: Hey, we didn't die zoning in, it already beats the crap out of
those Howling Stones...
Magician begins to cast a spell
Necromancer begins to cast a spell
Wizard: /shout Level 57 wizzie lookin for
a group
Jenkins says "Guarding you master"
Jeeves says "Guarding with my life, oh great one"
Monk: /auction Selling Tailor made items at
reasonable prices
Warrior: /auction Same here
Paladin: /auction Same
Enchanter: /auction Selling Platinum Ruby Veil
for 9.5k
Druid: That's insane
Enchanter looks around for some competition, and shrugs
Cleric: So who wants to group with me?
Magician: Me
Necromancer: Me
Rogue: Me
Warrior: Me
Paladin: Me
Shadow Knight: Me
Wizard: Me
Monk: Me
Bard: Me
Druid: Me
Enchanter: Me
Ranger: Me
Shaman: Me
Cleric: Okay, Warrior, Necromancer, Bard, Enchanter, Shaman, you're
with me
All others: <Various swearing>
Wizard: So who wants to group with me?
Rogue: Yeah, and I'm starting a group, who wants to group with me?
<Sound of wind whistling>
Paladin: So maybe we should do some scouting...
Druid begins to cast a spell
Wizard begins to cast an UselessUpgradedSpell spell
Rogue disappears
Druid dons a mask of the hunter
Wizard creates an "Invisible to Mobs under 35 when it's a level
55 spell" eye
Druid, Wizard, and Rogue: I'll scout
Wizard: /shout Level 57 wizzie looking for a
group
Enchanter begins to cast a spell
Necromancer: Hey buddy can I get some Swords of Runes?
Magician feels his summons are useful for a change
Magician: Sure
Magician begins to cast a spell
Magician begins to cast a spell
A cool breeze slips thru Enchanter's party
Jeeves says "Thank you master"
Jeeves says "Thank you master"
Necromancer disbands
Necromancer: Well I don't need you guys anymore
Necromancer chuckles
Wizard: /shout %&^(( They saw my invisible
eye, we got two dragons inc
Druid: /ooc <sigh>
Rogue: /ooc <sigh>
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
Monk: GET EM!
Ranger, Monk, Warrior, Rogue, Paladin, and Shadow Knight attack A Sky
Blue Dragon
Necromancer, Magician, Enchanter, Druid, Wizard begins to cast a spell
Necromancer has feared A Sky Blue Dragon
Jeeves says "Attacking master"
Necromancer: I got this one
Jenkins says "Attacking master"
Ranger slashes A Sky Blue Dragon for 49 damage
Monk kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 200 damage
Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
Rogue backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
Shadow Knight Harmtouches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
Magician hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 850 damage
Druid hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
Bard twists mana and hp recovery songs
Wizard's spell has been resisted
Wizard: %*&^
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
Ranger yells for help behind you and to the left
Cleric begins to frantically cast a spell
Necromancer reclines and yawns
Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 50 damage
Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 126 damage
Warrior: Oh come on
Cleric has cast a spell
Ranger has regained 900 hp
Cleric begins to cast a spell
Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 300 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 193 damage
Ranger yells for help behind you and to the left
Cleric: Quick casting my $*%
Wizard begins to cast a spell
Wizard's spell has been resisted
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
Wizard has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
Necromancer puts on sunglasses
Warrior: Well there's a taunt at least
Bard summons water from his boots
Cleric has cast a spell
Ranger has regained 900 hp
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
Ranger: WTF? I stopped attacking 20 secs ago
Cleric begins to cast a spell
Ranger is completely healed
Cleric: There we go
Magician begins to cast a spell
Ranger is enveloped in fire
Shaman: Well at least he's useful now
Necromancer strikes up a conversation with Jimi Hendrix
Necromancer lights a cigar
Monk kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 450 damage
Warrior kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 3 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
Warrior: Woo hoo
Druid begins to cast a spell
Monk uber-punches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
Warrior kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 10 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
Warrior: Twice in a row!
Warrior sticks his tongue out at Monk
Druid hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
Necromancer begins to debate the philosophy of "The Matrix"
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
Cleric begins to cast a spell
Paladin begins to cast a spell
Druid feels a healing touch
Cleric: %*^
Paladin: Sorry
Cleric's casting has been interrupted
You must be standing to cast a spell
Bard summons water from his boots
Druid: You mind?
Bard summons food from his pants
Bard: What? Can't you see I'm using my armor's special abilities
Rogue backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
Jenkins backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 500 damage
Jenkins laughs an elemental laugh at Rogue
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
Jenkins has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
Rogue laughs heartily at Jenkins
Magician begins to cast a spell
Enchanter wanders blindly, waiting for a crowd to control
Magician: I'll try an air this time
Butler says "Attacking master"
Necromancer chuckles
Magician: What?
Necromancer points at Jeeves
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves dodges
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves ripostes
Jeeves hits A Sky Blue Dragon for 60 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
Magician: So?
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
Butler has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
Necromancer laughs
Necromancer begins to cast a spell
Magician begins to cast a spell
Necromancer lifetaps A Sky Blue Dragon
Necromancer experiences a 2000 point swing in life totals
Magician sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
Druid sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
Revived Wizard sighs, wanting to be best at direct damage
Magician: Okay, this one is fire
Shaman: Just do earth, everyone knows the others suck anyway
Lil'Flamey says "Attacking master"
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Revived Wizard feels some sympathy
Bard yawns, still twisting his mana/hp regen songs
Necromancer yawns, still sitting on his can
Shaman: Okay let's end this
Shaman begins to cast a spell
Warrior feels like an avatar
Warrior: Woohoo, you're the best!
Cleric: Oh come on
Cleric tries to strike A Sky Blue Dragon, but misses
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Cleric for disproportionately high damage
Cleric sighs about her armor
Cleric has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
Necromancer takes pity on Cleric
Druid begins to cast a spell
Necromancer begins to cast a spell
Paladin tries to cast a spell, but quest hasn't been
implemented yet
Necromancer casts a spell
Cleric is revived with 93% exp regain
Necromancer: A newbie gave his life for that
Revived Cleric sighs
Buffed Warrior hits A Sky Blue Dragon for tons of damage
Ranger blows wind at A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
Ranger sighs
Shaman looks around mildly, waiting to buff someone
Druid: Any ideas?
Shadow Knight tries to make a point, but there aren't enough of him to
be listened to
Lightbulb appears over Enchanter's head
Enchanter begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon is showered with gold
Monk: What'd you do?
Enchanter: Gave him some pocket change
A Sky Blue Dragon is heavily encumbered
Paladin slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with FIERY AVENGER for massive
damage
Warrior slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with RANDOM WEAPON FROM KARNOR'S for
massive damage + 1
Paladin sighs
Jeeves says "Guarding you master"
Necromancer: You should see the loot on my dragon...
All others: SHUT UP!!
Monk B!tCh-Sl@Ps A Sky Blue Dragon for massive damage
Magician, Druid, Enchanter, Wizard, and Shaman begin to cast spells
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit for miniscule fraction of total life in
non-melee damage
Casters sigh
Magician smiles
Magician: I still have my pet
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 178 damage
Shaman: You know your Earth quad hits for....
Magician: Shut up!
Necromancer: ...less than mine does
Magician sighs at Lil'Flamey
A Sky Blue Dragon hits Lil'Flamey for 600 damage
Necromancer begins to cast a spell
Wizard begins to cast a spell
Necromancer DOTs A Sky Blue Dragon for Trakanon-like damage
Wizard casts CrappyRainSpell
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 600 damage
A Sky Blue Dragon resisted CrappyRainSpell
Jeeves is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
Lil'Flamey is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
Wizard: Woo hoo, and that only cost 400 mana
A Sky Blue Dragon staggers, looking for somewhere to die
Druid, Ranger, Magician, Wizard, Cleric, Shaman, Enchanter,
Necromancer, Shadowknight, and Bard begin to cast spells
Warrior beats on A Sky Blue Dragon
Paladin whallops on A Sky Blue Dragon
Monk decimates A Sky Blue Dragon
Rogue kinda wounds A Sky Blue Dragon
A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by a ton of non-melee
A Sky Blue Dragon says "From Hell's heart I stab at thee!"
A Sky Blue Dragon swipes Lil'Flamey for massive damage
A Sky Blue Dragon has been slain by Necromancer's DOT
A Sky Blue Dragon has left no corpse
GroupOf13 look at Necromancer
Necromancer lowers head, then wanders off to solo dragons
Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
Lil'Flamey casts ReallyStupidYonderSpell
Lil'Flamey disappears
A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Really Huge Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Red As Blood Dragon begins to cast a spell
A Makes Veeshan Look Like A Worm Dragon begins to cast a spell
SadMage sighs, knowing what's coming
SadMage is burned with the fires of Hades
SadMage has been slain like you wouldn't believe
PanickedWarrior: Here they come
Necromancer feigns death
Shadowknight feigns death
Monk feigns death
Druid gates away
Ranger sits down and waits to die
Wizard evacs
Cleric wishes she had picked wizard for her group
Bard has been slain before he knew what hit him
Enchanter begins to cast a spell
Enchanter has cast a spell
CrowdODragons has been mezzed
Enchanter gates away
Casters gate away
PeopleWithoutGate sigh
PeopleWithoutGate are slain, roasted, and served with a white wine
CrowdODragons disperses
Necromancer stands and gates
Shadowknight can no longer play dead
Shadowknight is roasted by dragonfire
Shadowknight has been slain
Monk sighs
I laughed my @ss off!!! I want to send this page to a friend.
Q: Why does it rain so much in the Karanas?
A: Because everytime a ranger dies, Tunare sheds a tear.
Q: How can you tell a ranger tried to break into your house??
A: Your cat is camping his corpse.
Q: Why don't rangers get FD?
A: Because the fall to the ground would kill them.
Q: What do you call a Warrior with no arms and no legs?
A: I don't know, but it's better than a Ranger.
Q: How do you know when a ranger has been tanking?
A: They're ususally standing naked at their bind spot.
Q: Why do Rangers get some of the best haste items in the game?
A: So they can die faster.
Q: Why is ranger armor green and brown?
A: Green so they can find their corpse in the dirt and brown so they can find their corpse on the grass.
Q: Why is a Ranger like a cheap $20.00 @#%$?
A: They go DOWN on anything and everything
Q: Whats the shortest Ranger joke ever?
A: LFG.
Q: What do you call a druid that doesnt have any spells and thinks he can melee?
A: A Ranger!
Q: What is the difference between a ranger and a corpse?
A: 30 seconds of combat!
Q: What did one ranger say to the other at the soulbinder?
A: Do you come here often?
Q: Why did the Ranger cross the road ?
A: Because the chicken got him down to half a bub !
Q: What's the difference between an Orc Pawn and a Ranger?
A: An Orc Pawn doesn't get teased as much as the Ranger.
Q: What did Emperior Crush say when the 100th Ranger tried to solo him?
A: DING...!!!!!
Q: What's the difference between a Ranger and the security detail that accompanies James T Kirk on away missions?
A: Rangers don't have red shirts.
Q: What inspired Absor to come up with the Ranger class?
A: By watching Kenny in the various South Park episodes.
Q: What's the difference between a Ranger and Harry Potter?
A: One of them is a scrawny, 125lb weaking nerd that couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag and the other is a wizard.
Q: Why did Absor create the PoP expansion set with so many portal books?
A: To help Rangers reach their corpses faster.
Q: What name did Absor gave to forest warriors in EQ2?
A: Rangers 2.0
Q: What do you call a level 60 Ranger?
A: Blessed
Q: What do you call a level 65 Ranger?
A: Gifted
Q: What do you call a Ranger with over 356 days of play time?
A: Masochistic
Q: What's the only difference between Wild E Coyote and a Ranger?
A: A Ranger's death is usually not the result of items ordered from Acme.
Q: Why do Clerics not heal Rangers?
A: It's more mana-efficient to res a ranger then to heal one.
Q: Why do Necros alway follow Rangers around?
A: There's always a body available for them to cast Wake the Dead.
Q: What are 3 things to ask rangers?
1- Ask if they need to get Aego before going in out door zones just in case it rains and they start losing HP.
2- Ask them if they've made a "/consent" hotkey yet to save time.
3- Ask them why they came to this raid, since there will be no need for them to eat any DT's.
Ranger = Tank Simulator
/shout TRAIN TO ZONE!!! RANGERS AND CHILDREN FIRST!!
A_Random_Guildie says, "What does this MOB drop?"
You say, "RANGERS!"
A Ranger walks into a bar.... LOADING PLEASE WAIT.
Q: What is the cheapest form of Rune?
A: Lvl 65 Ranger.
Q: How many rangers does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: None, the bulb was still cooling and the damage they took from touching the barely warmed glass killed them instantly.
Q: Why do they call them rangers?
A: Because no one would play a "RezMe".